so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
