ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
