My nipple is on Facebook.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
