Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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