So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
