There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
