It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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