I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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