I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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