So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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