Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
