I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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