Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
