I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
