Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
