That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize