He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
