wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
