i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
