i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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