I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
