Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize