god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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