I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
