so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
