I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
