I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
