"it" just moved
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize