He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
