Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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