Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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