Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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