She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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