..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
