I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
