haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
