Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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