is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
