Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
