By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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