Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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