By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
