dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
