oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
