We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im holly from the hills drunk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
