the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Enjoy the penises
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize