i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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