peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
