Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
