Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
