I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize