We got so high we made milksteak
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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