Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
