i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
