you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize