do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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