Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
