He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize