just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
