im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize