Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
