So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize