why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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