Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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