Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
