I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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