I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
