she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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