I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So much rum. So many feels.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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