Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
