I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
