i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All the doctor said was why
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
