I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
